Destinations: Laser Storm at the Hampshire Mall
By Annalise Rodli, contributing writer, with Charles Samuelson, contributing writer
"Wait, you're from Amherst and you've never been to Laser Storm before?" exclaimed Scott, an attendant clad in pinstripes and roller blades, as we strapped on our laser tag gear.

"We're only freshmen," Charlie explained as he exchanged a look of mischief with me and Eric. My two friends and I took a little excursion to the Hampshire Mall in hopes of having, as Derek Zoolander once said, a "really, really, really, really ridiculously" good time. Laser Storm, a local laser tag arena, promises an interesting time and, with the right group of companions, has the potential to be really great.

Laser Storm is located in the Hampshire Mall above the food court. Black walls with flashing yellow lights lead to an elevator which takes you up a story and immediately puts you in the right mind-set. "Welcome to the Laser Storm transport system. You are about to enter the 22nd century, a new dimension in high tech entertainment. Here's level two, the galactic arena, proceed with caution," a sign reads.

Once upstairs, an attendant like Scott greets you and get you suited up for the game. The game costs $3.00 for 10 minutes of rip-roaring fun. For die-hard Stormers: on Mondays and Tuesdays, their special deal nights, you can get three hours for just $8.00.

Scott gave us our gear, which consisted of a green- or red-lined black mesh vest and an attached gun and headset. There were some notable lines from Scott's instructions. "If somehow you end up outside the arena, please reclip your gun to the vest," he told us. How we would end up outside the shut-door arena, we had no idea.

Next, Scott warned us of the possible dangers in laser storm. "Be careful," he said. "I don't want to see any blood or guts."

The arena is quite small, roughly 20 by 20 feet. The ground is covered in psychedelic carpet and lightweight black boards adorned with neon planets hang from the ceiling. The stadium is divided in half by a low-hanging black barrier.

As we got started, Scott said, "Although technically illegal to cross the barrier, I trust you three, so go have a good time." With this, Eric and I went to the red base and Charlie went to the green side. We recharged our guns as a fog machine filled the room with lethal-smelling mist and rather intense techno music blared.

About 20 seconds into our laser game, Eric and Charlie ran full tilt into each other, Eric's nose cracking against Charlie's shoulder. Eric signaled us to stop, and his entire hand and nose were covered with gushing blood.

I ran out of the arena, reclipping my gun, and found our friend Scott, who came back inside with some towels, stopped the fog machine and music, and checked the vest and floor for Eric's blood. "Don't worry, this happens all the time," Scott reassured, as we all sat somewhat stunned outside the arena entrance. Eric was bleeding profusely, Charlie felt guilty and I was trying to put up with Scott.

Unfortunately, due to his bleeding nose and approaching crew practice, Eric had to leave Laser Storm, and Charlie and I were left to play a game one-on-one. We do not recommend playing laser storm with only two people because with so few players, there simply isn't much of an element of surprise and no adrenaline rush. Charlie and I did manage to enjoy ourselves, doing commando rolls and recklessly shooting at each other to pass the time.

At the conclusion of the game, we bid farewell to Scott and took the elevator down and were not surprised to hear the same voice send us off with another pronouncement: "You have survived the storm. You are now a Laser Storm trooper. Please come back to Alpha Laser base frequently. We need you and enjoy the rest of your stay on planet Earth." As we made it back to earth, I turned to Charlie and couldn't help but laugh out loud. For $3.00, it definitely is an out-of-this-world deal.

Issue 06, Submitted 2003-10-08 16:38:58