n. def. That time of the month.

XY: Need we say more?

XX: Nope. I think the definition suffices. What we're dealing with today is the way to tell your loved one (well, the one you're loving), that you have your period. It's an awkward situation and it occurs around 12 times a year-

XY: -but Jesus, it can feel more like 21 times.

XX: And you've never even had to stick cotton wrapped in cardboard up there!

XY: But we digress. Alas, I fear I have nothing to add here; the fact of the matter is that it's your problem, not mine. Well, on second thought ...

XX: Believe me, it's your problem too. This is a two-way street, my friend. Partners should be gracious and understanding and should make this confession as unstressful as possible. So now we need to get down to the nitty gritty: how does one bring up such a delicate topic?

XY: Not over dinner. Also-as an aside-I think girls could do a whole lot to help themselves. For one thing, if you're on your period, it may not be the best idea to be all up on a guy on the dance floor-

XX: -That is ridiculous. Grinding does not entail any sexual commitment.

XY: Commitment, no, false advertising, yes. I'm not saying that you've committed yourself to hooking up by grinding; I'm just saying that I expect freaky-ass dancers to be freaky in bed, too.

XX: You've got to be kidding me! I'm allowed to pick up guys with my hot dance moves, and I'm also allowed to give the "hold up" sign after second base. However, sometimes just saying "hold up" isn't enough; one feels-especially with a serial hook-up or boyfriend-that an explanation is needed. (Though in an ideal world no explanation would be necessary; not being in the mood should be enough for any partner.)

XY: Yeah, after a few months, your man should figure out that once every four weeks, it's fend-for-yourself night. Or open the KY-Jelly tube night. And that's fine-please, please no hate mail.

XX: Or Mr. Clown Face. If you can't figure it out, think red lips.

XY: Ewwww. And I don't say that because I'm an "uncomfortable," "vagina-hating/oppressing" man, either.

XX: To each his or her own. On a personal note, Ifind the image unappealing as well. But we're digressing again. My phrase of choice: "You don't want to do that."

XY: And my answer: "why?"

XX: Trust me, it's in the tone. I once got an, "Are you sure?" and a simple, "Yes" sufficed. My other strategy is to get drunk and lose all inhibition and just come out with it. I don't recommend that option.

XY: But I thought honesty is always the best policy.

XX: That's for another column. But when it comes down to it, can you tell all the women out there the truth about divulging their menstrual status?

XY: As long as the hook-up doesn't die at that moment (and ladies, you know what I mean), it's no turn-off.