You know what they say about me? I¹ll tell you. Women want me, and men want to be me. Right. Some people like to call me the coolest dork they¹ve ever met. Yeah, I¹m big on ³alternative fun²‹i.e. games, activities, past-times that are easy, bring out the inner child and free.
What is your favorite aspect of college?
The people‹kids and professors. My hallmates kick ass to the max. Whether playing dandy ball at midnight or planning a surprise birthday party, these guys and gals really make me laugh. Life¹s all about the satisfaction and changing dynamic of personal/social bonds. And you can quote me on that.
What are your roommates like?
I¹ve got a football player who sings Disney and an Eagle Scout who has knives. They¹re super neat! Compared to them, though, I¹m ³out there.² Or so they would have me believe.
You played a nun in ³Marat/Sade.² What was that experience like?
I liked the robes and habits and such. Also, because I¹m pretty tall and in addition was wearing the crown-white-cardboard-extended-forehead piece they wear, I could really loom over people. I think the defining aspects of my character were schizophrenia and ³loomosity.²
What¹s your favorite meal at Amherst?
I like a tortilla rolled up with peanut butter and carrot shreds. Who am I kidding, though: that¹s my backup meal. My favorite is Cinnamon Toast Crunch. However, the Toast Crunch has gone the way of the dinosaur. WHERE ARE YOU, TOAST CRUNCH?!?! MUST VALENTINE TEASE ME SO?!?!
What¹s the most embarrassing moment you¹ve had at Amherst so far?
Four words: ass-related sledding mishap.
What sort of packages do you get from your mom?
A lot of newspaper articles from back home about random things that she thinks I¹d be interested in (let¹s give her credit: I invariably am). Let¹s see, like one about a NASCAR college course, one about wolves or something, one about my high school. She also sent granola bars and my screaming stuffed dinosaur named Clarence.
What are you doing for spring break?
Home sweet home. Eat Chic-fil-A and Krispy Kreme. Enjoy lots of parental doting. They will dote on me aplenty. How about that.
If you could pick a new set of parents, who would they be?
Captain Planet and that teacher from ³Saved By The Bell² with the British accent.
If you could have one special power what would it be and why?
I¹d like to be able to make gourmet food out of dirt, because then I could solve world hunger and have a show on the food network. I salute you, Iron Chef Sakai! May you always be victorious!! If my memory serves me right, Chairman Kaga kicks iron ass ...
What is your biggest fear?
Pretty grim question. If I say snakes or something, that would just be boring and played. If I say the agonizing death of a family member, that¹s depressing as shit and also bad karma or something. Let¹s just say that my biggest fear is that my biggest fear will come true.
What¹s a secret that only a few people know about you?
I love to have the back of my neck and head scratched. With fingernails and all over, crazy-like. Kind of like you¹d scratch a dog while saying ³That¹s a good boy ... gooood boooy!² I guess it¹s not a secret anymore. So, if you (gentle reader) see me walking on the quad or whatever, and you¹re partial to giving people extreme pleasure, I would love it if you did this for me. It¹s not as weird as it sounds. Honestly.