[laughter] I'm 22.
That's a blatant lie. There's going to be a picture to accompany this spread, so there's no use in pretending. How old?
I'm 22. And I look good for my age … real good!
OK, Dan 'the middle-aged man' McNamara, you're undermining the integrity of this interview, but let's go on anyway. I've heard that you were a 'high school hero' once (long ago). In what limited sense is that true?
[laughter] I think that high school hero would be a huge overstatement if I weren't so good in the weight room.
Well, you were a three-sport varsity captain and all-time leading scorer in basketball at Norwell High School, right?
Well, yeah. I played all three. It wasn't a huge high school or anything, but it was fun. I play football here, but basketball was probably my favorite high school sport.
How do you respond to accusations that you almost perfectly resemble Dave Matthews?
What can I say? He's a good-looking guy. You might love his music. I love his hairline.
In a serious vein, what are your plans for next year?
I mostly plan to hit the gym real hard, go to the tanning salon and get ready for spring break 2005. Acapulco! [laughter] By the way, I have absolutely no job prospects. If you need to find me, look in the bleacher seats at Fenway Park.
If you could return for another semester of college, what would you do differently?
More house music, you know? Club style is really my thing. I love to dance.
If you could return for another semester of college, would you return to Amherst?
Oh sure, because I keep getting older, and the Amherst High School chicks stay the same age.
What's the single worst thing about Amherst?
There's simply no question. It's the collars-up. Could somebody explain to me, what the hell is that?
I've heard that you're nocturnal. Is that true?
Short answer: true.
What do you do when you stay up at night?
I occasionally order food, sometimes talk on IM, mostly drink. Not a moment wasted, really.
I've also heard that you have more gal pals than anyone else on campus. Is that true?
I think that because of my physical stature, I make girls feel secure.
'Beverly Hills 90210' or 'The OC'? (There is a correct answer.)
Of course, '90210.' It's a classic. That Zucker chick always gets me going.
Are you a child of the '80s or '90s?
I love to dance, does that answer the question?
No, actually. Next question: Gain or lose weight after college?
I'm just trying to get back to my fighting weight. I'm looking at a lot of creatine, maybe andro.
What will be your first surgery?
Of course, calf implants. They're the male breast implant. Girls love them.
Are you at all sober?
Certainly not. Is that a requirement? College!!!!!!!!!!