n. def. "shit, you mean I hooked up with you?"

XX: So when does the morning after begin? An hour after the hookup is over? Over brunch in Valentine? Or is there a set time, say, 6:00 a.m.?

XY: It's not the "morning after" until you've gone to sleep. So, you can have a marathon sextasy session until daybreak, but it's not the morning after until you wake up.

XX: What if you go back to your room and sleep there? When you wake up, is it still the morning after?

XY: I think so. The point is, by the time you wake up, any inhibitions you may have lost have returned-with a vengeance ...

XX: And you're left with the memory of last night. Sometimes a good thing-

XY: -often, not so much. The first thing you have to do, if you're in bed with your ignominious scarlet "H," is get out of his or her room-or get him or her the hell out of your room. But that can be hard.

XX: Yuck, Natty Light breath! There are so many hurdles at this point: waking up the other person, giving an excuse, being nice about the whole thing-

XY: -be nice to your mothers, your sisters, your female friends and professors. But remember: Nice guys get ugly-ass girls out of their beds last.

XX: Haha! Anyway, the waking-up part isn't so tough; a loud cough or a yanking of the covers usually does the trick. The excuse for leaving or giving the boot is trickier; "early class" is too cliched (and totally irrelevant on a Sunday). A better bet is "I kick in my sleep," or "I've got a paper to write." Then there's the kiss goodbye. Cheek, or corner of the mouth at the most. A hug is not enough; lips are too much.

XY: But if you're really into her and she's really into you (or so you think)? I say go for it, especially if you're in a suite and have easy access to mouthwash and toothpaste. You had just better hope that she's as eager as you are, because if she isn't, you are going to weird her out.

XX: Which brings us to the future. Do you exchange digits, screennames and social security numbers after bodily fluids? Exchanging screennames is probably best, 'cause it's less of a commitment than making a phone call.

XY: Yeah, it's not like anyone on this campus even bothers with their dorm numbers any more, and for whatever reason, cell phones just don't really lend themselves to the kind of casual, "Hey what's up with you?" conversation you're looking for.

XX: Now that you're alone, the bigger questions arise: Namely, how do you live with yourself? And also, how do you live on this campus, with S/he-who-must-not-be-named lurking in the corner of the annex?

XY: First, no regrets. You did what you did, now move on. Second, face the facts. You will see the person. No matter how hard you try, Amherst is too damned small not to. Recognize that you will stroll by him or her, and that as unawkward a "hey" as possible is in order. You don't need to be best friends or even friends with benefits. But you do need to be civil.

XX: After all, we're all adults here. Unless you hooked up with a prefrosh ...

XY: In which case you'd be a brother at DKE.

XX: Wait, I thought it was a coincidence that Champagne Night was on Admitted Students Weekend.