XY: This one was my idea. Anyone wonder why?
XX: Were you one of the guys who invited only select facebook hotties to come to your party last fall?
XY: No, that's borderline creepy (although it isn't unprecedented; a friend of mine was invited to the Hot 100 party at a certain Ivy League school in the oh-so-classy state of New Jersey.) Besides, facebook pictures tend to fall into one of two categories: the-ghostly-school-ID-wearing-a-ratty-baseball-cap-picture and the "oh my God, I have to go out and hire a professional photographer to capture me in all my glory" picture.
XX: I would contend that my picture falls into neither category, as it was taken at the supermarket, without a baseball cap on. And I was having a good hair day but also staring straight into the camera like a Robert Downey, Jr. mug shot.
XY: We've established already, then, that you can't go by the facebook. You have to go out and meet them.
XX: Okay, so what you're saying is, meat market.
XY: Not in as many words, but sure. The freshman girl is the ideal target. Think about it, she's easily impressed ("Wow, you have a single in the Triangle/social dorms?"); she hasn't had time to gain the freshman-15; and the novelty of it makes the chase all the more exciting.
XX: 'Target?' Are you shooting guns? Or better yet, are you shooting cupid's arrows?! Give me a break. I admit, however, that I was impressed by a single in the aforementioned areas of campus as a first-year.
XY: And you weren't in a one-room double in the mods in August (sorry, kids). But this raises a different question. First-year girls, easily impressed. First-year dudes? Are they fair game? Better yet, are they even worth pursuing?
XX: Definitely fair game. Worth pursuing is a trickier question. Women mature faster than men. However, do we always want someone mature? If it's just for one night and he's cute and unjaded-his optimism unmarred by the long, cold Amherst winters-show him the ways of the world. Or at least the ways.
XY: I must be missing something, because according to you, hooking up with a freshman guy is ennobling, while "preying" on a freshman girl is debasing. Can you say double standard? You were just talking about how girls mature faster. So why are you so keen on victimizing young, "immature" freshman guys?
XX: Aren't they always talking about how the Amherst education can't be confined to the classroom? I'm working on that tack. It's not sleazy to hook up with a freshman girl as an upperclassman. It IS sleazy to go to parties with the express purpose of finding said girls.
XY: Fine, as long as you understand 1) that everyone does it; and 2) that if you take it away, us guys will have nothing to live for. Do you really want to be the one who strips us of our joy?
XX: No, I'm not here to take away. I only judge. Welcome back to Amherst, upperclassmen. First-years, freshmen, class of '08, on behalf of XY and myself, we have singles with spacious double beds. And he's not really that sleazy.