n. def. like incest, only with someone on your floor (hence the name).

XX: This one goes out to all you freshmen, because you're the ones most likely to commit this, well, I'm going to call it a crime-

XY: -and I'm going to call it convenient. Until you persuade me otherwise.

XX: It always seems like a good idea at the time. You get bored at a party, you leave together, the pizza's taking a while to get delivered or maybe you were too drunk to call for pizza ... But anyway, the mood is right, at least one of you is probably drunk (and the other might be holding a month-long torch), so you get with the guy or the girl down the hall.

XY: Again, the girl down the hall is just like any other girl-except you don't have to walk down any stairs to get her to go down on you. And while that may not sound like such a big deal, trust us, the weather will change-

XX: -and, most probably, so will one of your affections. Hooking up with someone on your floor kills the chances of a meaningful friendship (as cheesy as that sounds) in the near future, and making things pretty damn awkward for at least a few weeks. I mean, what if you bring someone new back next weekend? They'll probably run into each other in the bathroom or the floorcester will come by your room to use your phone and see him there. No good comes of this situation.

XY: It would be disingenuous, though, to pretend that it always leads to awkwardness. Some floormates go from hooking up to dating. Is this advisable? Probably not, I admit (later on I'll explain why I think dating a girl on your floor is so much worse than hooking up with her). But does it happen? Yeah.

XX: I'm not saying these things never work out. I'm just advising against it.

XY: Dating or hooking up? Because in my mind there is a big difference. People do stupid things when they're drunk. But there is no excuse for the kind of messy shit you see when a boyfriend and a girlfriend have at it. Screaming, crying, loud makeup sex-these are the ignominious hallmarks of floorcest.

XX: Well, I originally wanted to urge people not to hook up randomly with other people on their floors because of the aforementioned awkwardness thing (to use an equally awkward phrase), but I know from nearly-personal experience that dating someone hardcore on your floor sucks. My friends got into a disastrous, co-dependent, year-long black hole of a relationship that sucked them in, refused to spit them out and nearly took them to blows at least once a week, usually more.

XY: And that's on the relatively good side. On the other hand, many floormates descend into a marriage before marriage. That is no good. You're a freshman: go out and make friends (because if you decide to start sophomore year, you'll be woefully behind). Besides, there's a reason couples don't move in together after the first date, and don't get married at 18.

XX: Well what about when floorcest happens. I'd like to at least give our readers a few tips on what not to do next-

XY: -like not to tell his roommate he has a small dick (not that I've had this problem)-

XX: -or not to tell any roommates at all. I'd advise discretion here. You don't want other people treating your relationship with kid gloves. Keep things as normal as possible; be friendly, but not overly-friendly, unless you want a repeat performance.

XY: And if you don't, well, there are gentler ways to break it to the intrepid lad than by writing on his white board: "It's not you; it's your dorky roommate. I think he was watching us."