n. def. a period of time devoid of sexual encounters with another person, much to your frustration (and the amusement of your friends).

XY: So how long's it been?

XX: Do you want an exact date? The last time was Aug. 12. Or early-morning Aug. 13, if you really want to be exact. So it's been a month-and-a-half now. A very long month-and-a-half. I should've known when the luau passed without a hook-up that this dry spell was going to be epic.

XY: Well, easy there on the "epic" talk. The Red Sox have gone a lot longer than that (and they sold out every game this year!). You just have to remain optimistic.

XX: Okay, so maybe it just feels epic. But honestly, I don't know if I've suffered through such a long stretch of time since I was 15. I'm not carrying any emotional baggage here, I'm out and about on the campus, I have plenty of male friends-

XY: -that, my friend, is your problem. You go out with your male friends, and other guys see you with a dude. Ergo: you're not approachable. On the other hand, five-college girls scream approachability because they go out in large packs. And no girl going out in a group of six girls really wants to come home with five girls (an even grimmer prospect for guys).

XX: Duly noted, but I go out with my girlfriends too! I feel like my own inertia is pulling me down at this point. How does a girl dig herself out of this pit of purity?

XY: Sounds like one of Carrie's voiceovers in "Sex and the City." In any case, my first recommendation is not to go out with your guy friends (for the above reason). Second, go out with girl friends who are single (girls with boyfriends just tend to drag their single friends down). Third, lower your standards (it'll hurt in the here and now, but there's something to be said for just getting back on the board); you might even look to the younger classes-

XX: -like plugging your lineup with September call-ups when you're out of contention-

XY: -exactly. And if all that fails-guys, you don't need to be told this, so read onto the next line-take matters into your own hands.

XX: It's not that I'm dying for an orgasm (although one would be nice); it's more that I need validation that I'm desirable. At this point, I'd give non-reciprocal head without coaxing. Oh my God, has it really come to this?!

XY: Tell me you don't mean that. On second thought (now I speak as an objective male observer), what's wrong with non-reciprocal head?

XX: I don't have to tell you what's wrong with non-reciprocal head. Actually, I don't even remember. I swear, I've fallen off the ass wagon. I'm considering a trip to Boston, or, perish the thought: UMass!

XY: Sweetheart, I must say, as an aside, that it is hard for me to empathize. A girl who wants to get ass can with absolute certainty find someone to hook up with. An equally desperate guy cannot say the same (forgive the very crude gender caricatures). Maybe you're just not giving it 110 percent.

XX: Thanks Coach. Next thing I know you're going to tell me to choke up! But I still don't see my supposedly willing and able guy friends stepping up to the plate here.

XY: I wish I could be of help, but I'm precisely the one guy you don't want to get back on the board with. Stay away from your male friends. For obvious reasons.

XX: So really, it comes down to the same old thing in the end: luck.