n. def. You, kemo sabe. Or at least, you, the next time you whisper in your friend's ear, "You can do better," and then grab her by the arm and drag her to an undisclosed location in the Triangle.

XY: Ah, "cockblock." I love the sound of the spondee, almost as much as I hate the phenomenon-the bane of any prowling guy's existence. Guys counter with wingmen, true, but wingmen can only do so much, whereas the cockblock can basically determine the fate of a guy's evening.

XX: A good cockblock, that is. And it's not as easy as it looks, especially if he's persistent and your friend's hammered. The key to cockblocking success is a combination of shamelessness and guile.

XY: Advocating shamelessness and guile, eh? Sounds like you support cockblocking. I have one question, then: How do you sleep at night (other than alone, I mean)?

XX: It's not quite so simple. I hate the position of the forced cockblock. For instance, if you're visiting a friend at another school and she's on her way to a hot hookup, you have nowhere to go.

XY: See, here's the difference between me and you. I've been in that position too. And what did I do? I moved the fuck out of the way, tagged along with my buddy's friend and stayed out of his room until 4:00 a.m. Then I came in, undressed as quickly as possible and hightailed it to the bedroom (my friend and his, um, company were in the common room on the fold-out sofa).

XX: Perhaps you're a better friend than I am, or perhaps your friend sucks more than my friends. Regardless, there are times when your position as cockblock is beyond your control, and no one, except some freaky masochists (I don't know any, I'll add), enjoys doing it. However, sometimes the cockblock is necessary.

XY: What's the adage, friends don't let friends hook up with ugly dudes? Or is it hockey players?

XX: Ugly dudes, ex-boyfriends, real assholes-they all must be blocked.

XY: I disagree, though I admit that I may not be the most objective party. In my mind, there is only one instance in which a cockblock is both necessary and, indeed, admirable: When your friend is too incapacitated to make a decision either way. Obviously, there may be times when she claims otherwise, and yes, it is hard to tell her that you know best, but even I can respect a girl (or guy) looking out for a friend. (Don't expect my gratitude in the heat of the moment, however.)

XX: For the real lookers and jerks, alcohol is usually the reason they become appealing. Girls can wear beer goggles, too, you know. But in the case of the ex or the serial hook-up who continues to mistreat your friend, even if she protests, you've got to lay the c-block on 'em.

XY: You're right and you're wrong. You're right-an ugly dude is only in play most of the time because of the alcohol. But you're wrong to invoke-unilaterally-the right to decide who is ugly, who is sketchy and who's not "good enough"-

XX: -except that when it's a close friend, I do have that right. I wouldn't do it to every friend, but the ones I go out with, the ones I know have my back, well, I have theirs, too.

XY: Your concern is heart-warming, but every girl is allowed her mistakes. If your friend's not hammered, let her have her fun. She's a big girl, and hooking up with guys you think are ugly is her prerogative.

XX: I can see that you're not coming around on this one. Maybe the ugly guy thing hits a little too close to home? Don't worry, though, I wouldn't keep a friend from getting on you. On the other hand, if I was the girl in question, I'd hope for a pancake block from a friend!

XY: Haha. You've got to think big picture here. It's really a question of self-determination. Like Iraq. If the Iraqis want to install a theocratic government, I say, let them; that'll teach us the perils of going to war to overthrow dictatorships in the Middle East. Likewise, waking up next to that ugly mug once should be plenty for your friend.