Ambience is nonexistent. The tavern does, however, boast good beer on tap (delicious pints of BBC Steel Rail run you $2.75) and in bottles ($3 for a Sam Adams), as well as a big-screen television. Each night also includes some sort of entertainment (live music, karaoke, a DJ).
Loud noise in the rear banquet area (which seats 200) greeted us as we walked into the dark bar. Next thing we knew, we were doing shots with the bridegroom, Sarah's lovely roommate and RC, Emily, was dancing to the tune of "YMCA," and Nick was seducing the maid of honor ... Oh wait, that was "Wedding Crashers." In any event, there was some sort of celebration going on.
We seated ourselves outside on the deck, which was decorated with Corona banners (think a crabshack in Western Mass.). Our neighbors' bar pizza beckoned us and made our first decision easy. We settled on the bruschetta pizza ($7.25): whole-milk mozzarella with "bruschetta sauce." The crust was flaky and thin (just the way we like it), but something was off; not only was the pizza too cheesy, but the bruschetta sauce was watery and not in abundance, either. We have a feeling, though, that the plain cheese pizza and less exotic, more meat-and-potatoes-type offerings would not disappoint.
For our entrees, we covered our carnivorous bases: Sarah ordered a 10-ounce N.Y. strip ($9.75), Emily, chicken Parmesan ($9.25) and Nick, a one-pound steamed lobster ($12.45). Each came, theoretically, with a choice of pasta or potato (they were out of potatoes ... at 6 p.m.), and a basic salad.
Sarah's steak was a true medium rare but on the fatty side. Even with Emily and Nick's help, though, it was too big for Sarah to finish, and you could do much worse at far classier places. Emily's chicken was, well, comforting. It came on a bed of pasta with marinara sauce (possibly canned, given its texture) and was lightly breaded (though not with homemade bread crumbs).
Nick's lobster, on the other hand, was a winner. Maybe it's impossible to screw up a steamed lobster, but this one was both fresh and plump. The tail and claws alone were enough for Nick.
Other options on the menu included wraps and grinders for about $5, a $3.50 hamburger, summer-special steamers, a $17.95 surf-and-turf and grilled salmon ($9.75). In other words, nothing too ambitious-and that's the appeal. Sometimes, you just don't want to be fussed over, although a little fuss on our server's end would've been appreciated. She tallied our check incorrectly, didn't bring plates for our pizza and left us unattended for long periods of time. Again, though, you get what you pay for, and while she was the only waitress working on a Saturday night, she smiled throughout.
In a way, the Waterfront Tavern defies easy categorization; it looks like a dive-but the food and the prices make it a "destination restaurant" of sorts. And how many destination restaurants offer "politically incorrect" novelty items in the bathroom vending machine? (Condoms were also available.) Incidentally, the debate rages on as to what body part sports Nick's new "tingle ring."
One final word: do not follow Mapquest directions. Your best bet is to take exit 15 off of I-91 South. Bear left and then turn left onto Lower Westfield Road. Follow the signs to Route 5, turn right onto tiny St. Vincent Street, drive down a steep (and very residential-looking) hill, and finally, turn left onto Main Street. You'll pass some car dealerships; the tavern is on your right.
And when you get there (in the next two weeks, ideally), sit on the deck, throw back a cold one, and order the lobster. It's almost like Cape Cod. Almost.