I'm going to be upfront and say that I've never written a column before. I've written for a column, but I've never had a little space in the newspaper reserved just for me and my thoughts. I'm new at this, and I'm having a little trouble figuring out how to introduce myself.

Let's start with a few things about me: I am small. To make up for being small, I am loud. My laugh can be heard on the third floor of Moore from the path by Val. I am pre-med, which accounts for my bouts of insanity, self-doubt and hours spent in Merrill wondering whether it's still light outside.

A native New Yorker, I can barely drive and everything outside of New York is a geographical blob to me. I have an eclectic taste in music that ranges from the Gipsy Kings to Jimi Hendrix to bouncing along to "Do Somethin'." And recently, I've been thinking about Screwed TAP.

Is there any event that can lead to as much hilarity, hope, disappointment and hurt as Screwed TAP does, all in one night?

What exactly is it about being set up for what is essentially a blind date that is so exciting? In the two years that I've been here, Screwed TAP has been an opportunity either to completely embarrass your friends or to play matchmaker.

I've seen friends screwed to guys they had crushes on, as well as friends who have been the obvious butts of jokes. Even though everyone knows that no one takes Screwed TAP seriously-that most screws are the result of a joke played on a friend rather than actual matchmaking-why do so many of us still harbor the hope that maybe, this time, we'll be screwed to someone we actually like?

The same romantic comedy scene plays through everyone's minds: You'll lock eyes from across the room, realize that you're both wearing the same number, fall in love and go off into the sunset (or heavily snowing night) and live happily ever after-or at least the college version of happily ever after.

And it does happen sometimes. But it's more often an awkward encounter with someone you either barely know or know a little too well, with one question running through your mind: Who screwed us together, and why?

Or if you already know the answers, you just might be cursing your friends for enjoying the awkward situation unfolding in front of them.

How about if your screwee never even shows up? It's, again, like that scene from a romantic comedy. You never really know if it's because he simply didn't go to TAP, didn't know he was screwed, or took one look at you and left. You don't know whether it's because his friends screwed you to him, and, knowing he was screwed to you, decided not to come.

I know Screwed TAP is supposed to be lighthearted, but are those thoughts ever that far from the back of your mind? Our egos are out for the crushing here, and all we can do is wait, and hope.

Is Screwed TAP an opportunity for voicing out a crush, or just an opportunity to throw two people together and see what happens?

I think it's almost worse to be screwed to your actual crush, because you can't just throw away whatever happens and not care about it. Being screwed to your crush is like freely admitting that you have feelings for him or that you've talked about him to your friends, both of which can make me blush like no other.

But every year around Valentine's Day without fail, my friends and I will talk about our friends and possible people to screw them to. Why do people so readily play along when they know that their friends probably have their own amusement in mind? Why do people who aren't screwed feel left out?

Maybe because the hope that this year will be different is stronger than our fear of being embarrassed. Everyone wants at least a chance to dream. If it can happen in the movies, why can't it happen to me? And after TAP, everyone bears a silent hope: maybe next year.