Chih-mee-yak.

You transferred to Amherst College from Maryland during your sophomore year. How did you hear about Amherst, and what made you want to transfer here?

Well, I figured I tried the big place bit out and sucked at it (meaning that it sucked at suiting me with its large student-teacher ratio), so I opened a book about the top liberal arts colleges, and behold, Amherst was listed as number one, alphabetically! Since I had tried the researching bit and failed utterly, I went with the whim. And it's the freakin' luckiest whim ever, I've found out. (My mom, of course, was not so inclined with my "it looks nice and this book is large" philosophy, so she did the research for me, but my heart was set.)

When you got here, was there anything that surprised you about Amherst College?

My room was actually a room, and people offhandedly used multi-syllabic words.

How is Amherst different from your previous college in Maryland? What do you miss about Maryland?

Well, Amherst has a lot of good-looking and intelligent people. I'm talking about eye-candy brain-candy hybrids. It's like mixing alcohol with caffeine, or so I understand. And the mirror-like windows in front of the CVS are pretty wonderful as well. I do miss the tea shops and being able to make a fool of myself without anyone ever finding out (not that it stops me).

How did you choose your major?

Well boxes look really fashionable, so I said, what is most likely to get me into one. And then I realized that creative writing stresses that "outside the box" idea, and the irony was too much to resist. Now, I can live next to a box!

What are you planning on doing this summer?

I'm going to France. I'm going because they get damn good concerts and damn good looking people. I will waste away my days drinking pastis and reflecting on the state of the world in the most nihilistic terms I can think of. After this, I will most likely take up smoking, so that I can cloud the air and lament on the hazy cloud of ignorance through which people will take my ideas.

What is your favorite video on YouTube?

Hard question … Right now it's a tie between "Terry Tate: Office Linebacker" and "Interpretation of Trivium."

What do you usually do on the weekends?

Other than looking for really good-looking people, I like to head-bang. I hear that this is bad for your brain, so I try to avoid it during class. When my head starts to throb and my voice gets raw, I put on electronic music and mistake my headache for a beat artistically included to enhance the random noises.

What movies are you looking forward to watching this year?

Well, I was planning on taping myself for a day and watching that. I'm really excited since I hear the lead is gonna be rather hot. Sadly, the hotness of the actress would destroy the Hollywood films (especially with her avant-garde script), so it won't make theaters where I am looking forward to seeing "Spider-man 3."

Spring Break is in about a week and a half. Do you have any exciting plans?

Well, I plan to make the largest bowl of strawberries and yogurt ever, [and] then eat it all in under an hour without sharing. Yogurt, strawberries: Come hither.

The Amherst College Student Council recently held a vote on Spring Concert performers. Ideally, who would you love to see perform here?

Ideally, I want to see the First Vienna Vegetable Orchestra play, followed by Queen (after resurrecting Freddie Mercury) and David Bowie, then get some Dream Theater and finally, just for kicks, bring Beethoven himself up to dance the Macarena with Al Gore. But with what the school can afford, I think we should try for John Vanderslice who is going to be in Cambridge on the 20th, then has no shows until the 24th.

So when you're at parties, what is your favorite pick-up line to, you know, pick people up?

You're like a giant phallic symbol.