Now, with this said, I would like to point out a phenomenon of immeasurable proportions that rears its strange little head but just once a year and disappears after a week just as stealthily as it appears. This, my friends, is the phenomenon of the masses of non-Jews I have encountered in my 18 years who seem to thrive on matzoh, those flavorless boards of banality.
I have spoken to a number of gentiles and when I asked them if they like matzoh, their faces lit up and their voices took on a tone of excitement. "Oh my God, I love matzoh!" they all seemed to gush. I can practically see the drool crawling down the corners of their lips.
Let me clarify that I'm all for non-Jews loving matzoh. Heck, I appreciate any gentile just not asking me where my horns are. Please, by all means, eat our matzoh! I just don't get it, though.
Matzoh is, for lack of a better term and plain maturity, yucky.
Oh, you unleavened flat bread, made from just plain flour and water, why must you torture me so with your cardboard-like tastelessness and your lack of satisfying texture? Why must I need to slather you with butter, peanut butter & jelly and hummus in order for my esophagus to allow willingly your entrance into my stomach without gagging? Why can't you just be like all your popular bread and cracker cousins, instead of being the fuddy-duddy party-pooper relative who only comes to visit once a year with a scowl on your face and antipathy in your heart?
I don't exactly hate you. You're not that bad. I guess I'm just cranky because I've been hungry for the last week from having to consume you at every meal.
I know very few fellow Jews who actually like plain matzoh, and when I do meet them, I regard them with wonder and surprise. I tolerate matzoh, but do I exactly enjoy it? I mean that's like asking if one enjoys cleaning the bathroom. You do it because you have to, and that's that.
Why do non-Jews like matzoh? Why do they clamor for it in Val and steal boxes for munching later in the dorms? How can they nosh on it without having to schmear it with flavored spreads? How can they just stand to consume it when they don't have to?
I think that's the crux of the mystery. They eat and like it because they don't have to. Perhaps Jews feel resentment towards matzoh because they've grown up feeling forced to eat it. Gentiles can have matzoh, along with sandwiches, wraps, pasta, rice, cookies, cakes and breaded meats. We don't have that option. Matzoh is all we got, baby! We regard matzoh with a passive umbrage, as though it were the emblem of our bondage to our religion and our parents. As my father used to say about Hebrew school, "You have to go because I had to, and I had to go because my father had to." We have to eat it because they ate it, and others ate it before them.
Yet, actually, that's exactly what matzoh is-a symbol of our bondage, according to Jewish tradition. When the Hebrew slaves of Ancient Egypt were leaving for the Holy Land, they had no time to wait for their bread to properly form, so they baked it before it had a chance to rise, and the result was matzoh. It is a marker for the Jews' former slavery. "It serves as a reminder to be humbled and remember what it is like to be a poor slave, sparking an appreciation of freedom and avoid the puffed ego symbolized by leavened bread" (www.wikipedia.com).
Do gentiles realize the spiritual significance of matzoh when they casually snack on it while studying? Perhaps. And perhaps the symbolism is my subconscious reason for my dislike of the flat bread. I am forced to endure matzoh for a week because my ancestors suffered the bondage of slavery. It's not a thought I often recognize, but when I do, it's powerful.
Maybe I should think of matzoh as a symbol of freedom instead. My ancestors were forced to eat it because they were on the run with little time to prepare for the exodus. They had to eat it because they were now free.
Non-Jews of Amherst, until I can make that change in attitude, please partake in our matzoh. If I can't enjoy it, at least someone should be able to.