When NBC's "Heroes" premiered one year ago, it garnered an immediate and devoted following. Since then, it's become a certifiable hit, averaging a little over 14 million viewers an episode. There is no doubt that critics and audiences love this genre-busting, hour-long show about an interweaving set of characters who each exhibits a unique super power and has a hand in changing the world. With so many accolades and such strong fan support, it is nothing less than shocking that this series has become downright painful to watch in its new season.

Let's backtrack for a moment. "Heroes" certainly started off with a bang (both figuratively and literally, with the opening episode revealing, by way of time travel into the future, that New York City suffered a detrimental explosion and that it is up to these newly minted heroes to prevent the damage over the course of the season.) Cool idea, I'm in. Yet soon enough, by the time the show returned from mid-season hiatus, it was apparent that the writers were suffering from NBC-Ordered-Too-Many-Episodes-This-Season-And-Now-We've-Got-To-Write-Some-Meandering-Filler-Until-The-Story-Is-Stretched-Tighter-Than-Joan-Rivers'-Face-Syndrome. So the show finished the season with some anti-climactic (not to mention convoluted) crappidity-crap and I felt that the show's writing staff was under the impression that I, the viewer, have the intelligence level of a marmoset.

So here we are, four months later, and things really haven't improved. For starters, Dr. Mohinder Suresh's meaningful and many-layered narration (sorry, did I say meaningful and many-layered? I meant empty and puffed-up, like a cheese doodle), which begins each episode, is still as gratuitous and grating as ever. And speaking of grating, Mohinder (Sendhil Ramamurthy) and Officer Matt Parkman's (Greg Grunberg) newly adopted and oh-so-cute daughter, Molly (Adair Tishler), is a child so annoying, I literally pray for the moment I get to watch her die on screen. Back on the ranch … oh wait, never mind, the Bennetts have now relocated from humble Texas to plastic California and Claire has resolved to keep herself as anonymous as possible, despite her ability to regenerate. Oh, how will someone as gorgeous as Hayden Panettiere (anyone else on H.P. overload?) ever survive in this world of "Robots" and "Aliens" (read: popular kids and nerds)? I'm guessing it will have something to do with Hot New Guy (I think his name is West-how indie) and his impossible charm that will no doubt inspire Claire to "be herself." By the way, he can fly. My bet-he's Claire's half-brother (OH NOZ!)

As for the rest of the premiere, I can barely remember what else happened, it was so bad. Um, let me think … Nathan's now turned to alcohol and beard-growing to deal with his brother Peter's untimely death. But wait-Peter's alive! And chained inside a crate in Ireland! Did you really think they were going to kill off the show's hottest star? Milo Ventimiglia is like totally super-cute, but he'll always be Jess Mariano to me. ("Gilmore Girls," anyone? Anyone?) Oh, and I think there's someone out to kill the Original Heroes, such as Hiro's father Kaito (George Takei) and Nathan and Peter Petrelli's mother Angela (Cristine Rose).

But honestly, who the hell cares anymore? I was too distracted by the contrived dialogue and over-the-top acting, which was so horribly melodramatic that I was actually guffawing at the screen. To creator Tim Kring's credit, I can imagine the scenes as though they were written and drawn for a graphic novel. Perhaps that's what he was aiming for, but this is television and scenes need to translate to something a little more tangible than comic book-style writing.

This show just takes itself too seriously. Even the comedic moments, such as the scene of H.R.G. putting his new Dwight Schrute-esque supervisor at a Staples-wannabe in a headlock for condescending to him, was stale and predictable. And dear God, am I really going to have to watch Hiro (Masi Oka) bumble his way through Feudal Japan for an entire season to prove, once again, that he's a hero? Just please, put me out of my misery.

Click.