I popped my Hibacherry at Goten, which can be found on Route 116, just a little bit past Bub’s BBQ. The absurdity began the moment I walked in the door. Having paid $7 for a beer all summer long in New York City, I was shocked to find Sam Adams Summer Ale on sale for a mere two bucks a bottle (though I fear this deal may have gone the way of our warm weather by the time you read this). Inexplicably cheap beer in hand, I walked over to my party’s station and began to peruse the menu. It was even more ridiculous than I could have hoped. “Teriyaki Hibachi is only available on Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.” However, side orders of teriyaki sauce are available all week long. Baffled by Teriyaki’s apparent inability to grace the grill on Friday and Saturday (Goten is closed on Monday), I decided to go with the scallops and a side of the succulent sauce.
To be fair, most of the food was actually pretty tasty. The onion broth was strangely satisfying in its simplicity, but the salad’s ginger dressing was just plain weak, and the “air-mailed” shrimp appetizer was certainly more fun than flavorful. As for the main course, the scallops were well cooked, and the multitude of boldly flavored sauces made for real variety in the overall experience. Unfortunately, I was forced to sit idly with my mouth watering as I waited for my scallops to accompany the noodles that had been served up a solid five minutes earlier. Making a man wait to eat food that is already on his plate is a crime, especially when he paid $25 for the privilege. Only through tremendous strength of will did I manage to save half of my noodles for their duet with the scallops.
But Hibachi is more than just food. For me, the highlight of the show was definitely the onion volcano. Surprisingly, it was the deft knife work involved in its construction and not the ensuing pyrotechnics that truly impressed me. The rest of the performance was just plain annoying. I’m not sure what portion of my tab went towards paying the chef to bang out awkward rhythms on the grill and clang his spatula on the tin of sesame seeds as he poured them, but I want that money back. Hibachi chefs, seriously, enough with the clanging already.
My next dose of deleteriously delayed delicacies came at Arigato II. Having recently dined most decadently at numero uno, I was excited by the prospect. Unfortunately, Arigato II is a sequel that betrays its predecessor. The meal was a carbon copy of the fare at Goten, except worse. Teriyaki sauce is perpetually unavailable, and instead of noodles they offered up some very disappointing fried rice. Also, they didn’t put out chopsticks, an unforgivable faux pas. The only thing that Arigato II did better than Goten was the ginger dressing on the salad. Arigatos I and II have hands down the best ginger dressing I’ve ever tasted.
Overall, I recommend Hibachi for people with a penchant for clanging, a lot of money, and a disinterest in eating. Aside from the fanfare, it’s just like going to any other restaurant, except the food isn’t quite as good, it costs more, some of it comes flying at you, and you have to wait around for what feels like an eternity with half of your entrée going cold on your plate. So, if you like going to restaurants but really don’t enjoy food, Hibachi is your ideal destination.