A General Tso's Overview
By Jasper Zweibel '09, Staff Writer
Centuries ago, a fearsome warlord roamed the plains of China. Although his triumphs on the battlefield have been lost to the ages, history will remember General… Tso? Gao? Zuo? He has been immortalized in a way that most men only dream of. His indeterminate moniker graces the most ubiquitously enjoyed dish in all of Asian cuisine. The spicy-sweet chicken owes its universal palatability to the fact that no two restaurants make it quite the same way. Some like it hot, others crispy and others simply can’t resist slimy and saccharine. Fortunately, the Pioneer Valley is abound with a variety of offerings from all points on the Tspectrum.

If greasy, sweet and sometimes soggy morsels are what work your plastic fork into a frenzy, then the Hampshire Mall food court is the place for you. Although it will sit like a rock in your stomach, there is something strangely satisfying about stereotypical mall Chinese food. There was a time when two nearly identical establishments were deadlocked in the purest form of capitalistic combat, but Fuji Chen has since emerged as the rightful champion and ushered in a new age of peace and grease in Hadley.

While the mall is the cheapest alternative for most diners, truly vehement eaters can turn China Dynasty’s otherwise overpriced buffet into an economical option. Unfortunately, their all-you-can-eat offering is the weakest of all General Tsos in the area, and it is not hard to find the fatal flaw. The chunks are just too big, making what should be a bite-size affair into a seriously chewy chow down. Their sauce is also a little weak, walking the line between sweet and spicy without committing to either.

Amherst Chinese, on the other hand, has pinned the needle on the spice-o-meter. Theirs is the only General Tso’s chicken in the area that truly warrants the little “warning leaf” on the menu. While I am not typically a fan of offerings that have taken the spicy path, I must say that AmChi has executed the dish quite well. The small morsels are very crispy without being dry, thanks to the juiciness of the chicken, which is well sealed within the slightly heavy batter coating.

If that texture sounds divine, but sweetness is more your game, then give Zhang’s Kitchen a try. Their inexpensive, freely delivered lunch special General Tso’s is by far my favorite in the Valley. Its sweetness is potent yet far from overpowering, and, as I said before, the texture is just heavenly.

Mom’s House, which I still stand by as the best Chinese restaurant in Amherst, has a General Tso’s chicken that walks the line of true greatness but never quite steps into the limelight. While their morsels undoubtedly avoid all the pitfalls that plague lesser offerings, Mom’s chicken lacks a certain je ne sais quoi that would catapult it to the next level. For the price, however, Mom’s House is indeed a treasure.

Cheap, spicy, abundant, greasy, sweet or crispy … no matter which of these adjectives you favor, you can find satisfaction in the Pioneer Valley. As Lord Jeffs, we are truly lucky to have such a vast array of options at our fingertips. In whatever fashion we choose, we can honor the memory of a great warrior by eating food that would render you utterly useless in combat.

Issue 12, Submitted 2008-12-03 00:33:28