1. Cheeseburger w/ Fried Onions Day
Simply put, I love Val’s cheeseburgers. Ever since I discovered that you can have a double if you ask for it, their burnt yet juicy patties have had a special place in my heart. Nothing brings a smile to my face faster than stepping outside on burger day to find the campus awash with the scent of grilled meat. Trudging up the hill to my first class is almost easy when I know that my not too distant future is so ripe with deliciousness. The only thing that’s better than burger day is burger w/ fried onions day. Fried onions add at least a full star to any hamburger’s appeal, and Val’s version is no exception. I wish that I didn’t have to pick out the unsavory fried mushrooms to get at the sweet, sweet onions, but I suppose nothing so good can come without a price.
2. Tortellini Salad Day
The rarest of all my favorite days at Val, Tortellini Salad Day is also the easiest to overlook. This most unfortunate scarcity is an absolute culinary crime. To deny us flavor-soaked yet somehow al dente tortellini on a daily basis is downright mean. Perhaps it is for our own good though, as this dish is as unhealthy as it is tasty, and I assume that it is only out of pure irony that it can be called a salad. Still, my arteries are more than happy to take one for the team when it comes to perfectly cooked tortellini drenched in a marvelous aioli.
3. Onion Soup Day
I’m not going to pretend that Valentine has revolutionized onion soup, or even come close to mastering it, but to be perfectly honest it’s actually pretty damn good. You could even label their offering “excellent” in light of its production en masse. That being said, the best part about onion soup day is that with a few croutons and some shredded cheese, you can have yourself a poor-man’s French onion soup. If you haven’t yet thought to gratinize this dish, I implore you to give it a shot. You’d be surprised by how tasty a crock of a crock can be.
4. Taco Day
Valentine’s tacos are legitimately tasty, but the real highlight of Taco day is the ready availability of guacamole. Though it’s clearly not the highest quality guac on the market, the fact that it’s free more than makes up for what it lacks in flavor. Guacamole is normally a vastly overpriced burrito accoutrement, so it is truly wondrous to be able to enjoy it without fear of economic repercussions. So make hay while the sun shines and use taco day as more than a fast-track to the toilet. Make yourself some nachos or a quesadilla and rock out with your guac out!
5. Not Pizza Day
Despite the undeniable increase in quality of Valentine’s pizza during my tenure here at Amherst, Val’s pizza station is best utilized when they put forth a non-pizza offering. The quesadillas are truly excellent, and their cheesy bread ain’t half bad neither. Given the popularity of these two dishes, I am shocked that non-pizza days are such a rarity and furious that we never get any warning beforehand. I cannot put into words the magnitude of regret that comes with ordering out during a seemingly lame dinner and later learning that it was actually quesadilla day at the pizza station. As for the cheesy bread, I am still baffled by how it manages to be tastier than the merely permutated pizza, but I’m not going to question something so delicious.
Overall, Valentine Dining Hall offers a mix of the unmissable and the inedible. Sorting out the two can be a challenge at first, but once you do, the weekly menu becomes a road map to guaranteed epicurean happiness. Planning and anticipating delicious meals is one of the great joys in life, so take advantage of Valentine’s cemented schedule and forecast yourself a 100 percent chance of happiness.