Dear Professor [insert professor's name here],

I'm very sorry, but I will not be able to finish the assigned reading/paper/problem set on time. I sat down at my computer last night with only the best of academic intentions. But, instead of typing "courseinfo.amherst.edu" into my web browser, I accidentally typed in "www.soyouwanna.com." I suddenly had a wealth of information at my fingertips: how to ace a job interview; how to play poker; how to speak with an Irish accent; how to convert to Buddhism. This website will teach you "how to do all the things nobody taught you in school." It includes a search feature to complement the categorical listings of "wannas" and even has links for when the time comes that I will "wanna find a job," sporting a database of resumes and job openings.

Once again, I am very sorry for the inconvenience. Unfortunately, the only "wanna" that I could not find help for on www.soyouwanna.com is "wanna improve my study habits."