I feel that it is my responsibility to speak out against a demon which possessed our campus last weekend. The so-called "Inflatable Fun" which took place in front of Valentine may more aptly have been entitled "Death by Rubber." I scraped my face in the boxing ring, and I heard about various other injuries that occurred. I hope that these evil devices are never allowed back at Amherst.

-Mangled in Morrow

Dear Mangled,

In my day, technology did not allow for such inventive methods for students to entertain themselves. For fun in the springtime, we had to resort to throwing rocks at each other or sometimes running naked through the woods. So, trust me, injuries did occur. To deal with this problem, I had to outlaw certain athletic events, particularly the wonderful though dangerous activity known as the "Human Javelin." But I suggest that you take it up with someone who has more clout than I do.

Doc Tyler