Hi. This is sort of a personal thing, but I have to get some advice ... fast. Last year at pre-frosh weekend, I hooked up with some guy. I think he was a sophomore, I'm not really sure. But anyway, I didn't get his name, and I vaguely remember what he looks like. So how should I go about finding out his name? Should I even bother?

-Anxious in Appleton

Dear Anxious,

I must say that this sort of problem did not happen quite so frequently during my presidency, due mostly to the fact that our school was comprised entirely of males. But I did have an experience similar to yours. You see, when I was a young lad of about 18, I had "relations" with a young lady, and the next day, she had already taken to the road. I spent the next four years searching for her, and when I found her, I made her my bride. She made my life miserable, so I'd have to say that you should run for the hills before your old flame finds you.