Middle school was a weird time in my life. My hormones raged and I had an abundance of crushes. Because I was self-conscious and not the tower of strength I am today, I was afraid to ask each of them if they felt the same way about me. So I asked a mood ring about my crushes and looked scrupulously to see if the color changed, signaling some type of affection. Unfortunately, it never did. Regardless, now thanks to the wonders of technology, you don't have to go through all the trouble that I did to find out the answer. Just use Eddie Crush Predicts, the online cootie-catcher that predicts your romantic future.

Everyone remembers what a cootie catcher is. It's the pyramid-shaped folded piece of paper that you twist to tell the future. Too lazy to type in a question? Eddie Crush even has a convenient set of drop down menus that lets you select a common relationship question. I asked Eddie Crush, "Should I pick up the bill at the Olive Garden?" And Eddie Crush told me, "You get what you pay for." With profound answers like that, I'll get to third base in no time.