Rather than giving a conventional lecture focused on negative male behavior, McPherson wanted to foster dialogue between men and women on the important topic of relationship violence. "[This issue is] in my opinion, as important as anything that faces human beings today," he said.
Opening his lecture with an alarming statistic, McPherson informed the audience that according to the FBI, a woman is killed four times a day, resulting in the deaths of 1,460 women each year. "That number hasn't changed in 10 years," he said.
Saying that he wanted to avoid the strategy used in the prevention of drug and alcohol abuse, McPherson promised that he would not use scare tactics or prevention language. "We as men have to go beyond being there after something bad happens," he said.
McPherson repeatedly stressed the importance of men getting involved in the cause of violence prevention. "It's our issue," he said. "You all have women that you care about and what impacts them impacts us. We as men have to ally with women. We have to listen to and work with women."
However, McPherson also addressed the need for men to be engaged in dialogue with one another in the absence of women. "We know what to say [and not say] in the room with women around," he said, adding that we use the same control when in the same room as our parents.
McPherson continued his lecture with a series of anecdotes that illustrated how cultural expectations can lead to violent behavior and negative attitudes. McPherson offered the example of a crying three-year-old McPherson saw in an airport; the boy immediately quieted down and stood up straight when his exasperated mother told him to "Be a man."
Two things were wrong with that scenario according to McPherson. "First, that kid is three-years-old, he is a long ways away from becoming a man," McPherson said. Second, McPherson said that since the boy was expected to suppress his emotions, he would grow up with the attitude of "If my feelings don't matter, why should yours?" McPherson also noted that all babies are born crying. "That's the last time we as men are allowed to cry," he said.
Even common insults such as "Don't be a pansy" reinforce negative attitudes about identity, according to McPherson. "What's the worst insult you could be called when you were growing up?" he asked. "'You throw like a girl.'" McPherson said this type of language reinforces negative ideas and perceptions about females and homosexuals as being "less than [men]." He added, "It would not be an insult if that wasn't the attitude."
McPherson also discussed the minimal amount of attention that this issue receives in comparison with other important discrimination issues. McPherson noted the national dialogue that generated from the hate crime which resulted in the death of James Byrd, Jr., an African-American who was killed in 1998 when he was dragged from a pickup truck. Noting that this country is 12 percent African American and 52 percent female, McPherson emphasized that there is a discrepancy between the attention received regarding the violence committed against these groups of people.
While there seems to be a great deal of discussion about issues of race, McPherson wonders why there is no discussion about gender relations. "We're very good at talking about race relations, but why are we not very good about talking about this?" he asked the audience.
McPherson closed by presenting a hypothetical black family considering a college for their child. The imaginary college provides a counseling system in case the student is ever harassed or attacked by a Ku Klux Klan member. The college also has escorts available in case the student ever feels unsafe walking back to the dormitories alone. Counseling centers off-campus are also available in addition to phone booths situated around the campus for the student to use in case of emergencies that are marked with a blue light. "You think that family would want to send their son to that school?" he asked. "Yet this is the situation for women all over the nation."
Many audience members responded positively to the lecture. "Men, of course, are not raised to talk to each other about their emotions, their worries, or their insecurities," said Andy Tew '07, a member of the Men's Project. "Don understands this well, as he is an ex-NFL player, and by speaking out against violence, he sets a great precedent that makes it easier for any guy to open up."
David Korngold '06 attended the event as part of a program event for the Resident Counselors in first-year dorms. "I found his comments comparing trends in racial violence and violence against women particularly interesting," he said. "For example, he pointed out that America has mostly moved past a state of continuing, direct violence by whites against Africa Americans, yet we generally fail to even discuss the stunning amount of violence perpetrated by men towards women."
Tew repeated McPherson's emphasis on the need for men to participate in the discussion of preventing violence against women. "Of course, it's important for everyone to be aware and to discuss this topic, but it's especially vital for men," he said. "Because the vast majority of men at Amherst, and the world at large, are non-violent, it would change a lot of social norms if we simply realized our strength."
In addition to the Amherst Men's Project, numerous on-campus and community organizations sponsored the lecture, including the Athletic Department, Amherst College Health Education, the New England Learning Center for Women in Transition and the Men's Resource Center of Western Massachusetts.