No one goes on dates at Amherst." How many times have you heard this? Amherst is simply not a dating college. This is partly because our co-ed living situations lead us to run around with ambiguous mixed groups of friends who are "off-limits" to date and impenetrable by outsiders who might be datable. So we turn to the hook-up or the long-term, monogamous relationship, neither one preparing us for the world of dating that we see represented (albeit in an exaggerated way) in movies, television and books.

But perhaps we are presented with too narrow a view of dating, which is why this column is devoted to a much-overlooked option for the lovelorn: the breakfast date, a boon for the serious and the seriously inept among us.

In terms of logistics, the breakfast date is easy. Not many restaurants are packed at 10:00 a.m. on a Saturday or Sunday morning. There are plenty of options within walking distance, like Nancy Jane's, the Black Sheep or Bruegger's, and a few within driving distance, like Stables down Route 9.

Second, the breakfast date is reasonably priced. This is good for us starving, upper-middle-class college students, especially those of us who like to pretend we're poor and then go to Europe over Spring Break (ahem). The average breakfast for two costs little more than $10, while the average dinner date can be upwards of $30. Why plunk down all that cash on someone you might not want to see again?

These are merely practical concerns, however, and pale in comparison to the true beauty of the idea: no one plays any complicated mating games at breakfast. No girl is going to show up for breakfast in a miniskirt, heels and a face full of makeup, all of which can be a little intimidating for our socially struggling male population. And the men are asked for nothing more than a shower and a clean shirt. Both parties can be comfortable and relaxed, which even Cosmo will tell you is a key to a successful date.

At this point I am presuming that all men who are quite adept at getting women have stopped reading, which is why I move on to reasons why the socially inept man will benefit twice as much from the breakfast date. The socially inept man is bad at playing mind-games. He's bad at reading the subtle tricks of a woman's words, the hidden meaning in every glance, etc. More than likely, he has had few chances to study woman in the wild and he will be at a loss if she starts asking him loaded questions like "Does this make me look fat?"

But no one is playing mind games at 10 o'clock in the morning. No one can be crafty and conniving before they've had coffee and a bit of sugary starch to kick-start their feminine wiles. The socially inept man has a 60 percent reduction in stammering like a fool in this situation and a 40 percent increase in the likelihood that he will wow the female with his dazzling wit and devastatingly charming social commentary.

Another advantage is that there is no looming specter of further embarrassing public situations that might follow the dinner date. You won't have to go to TAP, where you might humiliate yourself in front of many, many people at the same time. You also won't run the risk of overcompensating for your ineptitude by drinking until you do something horrifying.

There are, of course, some downsides to the breakfast date. If you routinely sleep until 5 o'clock in the afternoon, or know yourself to be little better than Cro-Magnon Man before noon, this is not the option for you. Inarticulate grunting, not to mention the scratching of private parts in public places, is no way to win the favor of any woman.

However, there are alternatives for you night owls, too. A late-night trip to the Whately diner for coffee and waffles might be in order. It's close, friendly and comfortable-not like that lame-ass imitation diner in the parking lot of Stop & Shop, which isn't even open 24 hours.

You may also want to avoid eating breakfast with a lovely lady if you or she (or both) do not eat breakfast. You may end up feeling less like Fabio and more like a slimy sea slug.

Or, if you're feeling really frisky, you can try to concoct some sort of breakfast all by yourself. Muffins from a local bakery and coffee from your trusty coffeemaker, served in one's common room, is a very classy way to start your day. Not to mention hers.

Yet the socially inept man may still have his doubts. Yeah, sure, I can get up in the morning-after all, I have 9:00 a.m. class three days a week. And I sure am scared of miniskirts. But what if I come off looking silly?

Oh, silly, socially inept man! She may in fact love you more because you're willing to be vulnerable (and unfed) in front of her. She may mistake your bleary eyes for tortured, poetic romanticism. She may take your unshaven face to mean that you've been pining for her. She may even take the breakfast date itself to mean that you can't go a whole day waiting to see her.

Let her think these things.