A good friend of mine recently sent me an article on Ann Coulter from Salon.com entitled "Ann of a Thousand Lays," written by one Thor Hesla. For those of you who do not read my plan on Thursdays, Ann Coulter is one of the most vocal and visible stars of the right wing. A constitutional lawyer by trade, she is now a commentator for Fox News and writes a weekly column that appears on townhall.com and other conservative websites.
Hesla doesn't like Ann Coulter, but rather than attack her writing, or ideas, he criticizes her looks. He came up with ten tips to help Miss Coulter get herself laid because, he assumes, that's what would be good for every woman. His tips range in offensiveness from "Quit injecting yourself with your own urine" to "Stop being a mean bitch."
He offers this as his most important piece of advice to Coulter: "Blow this next sentence up on a photocopier and tape it next to your refrigerator: 'Men Don't Want to Date Castrating Bitches Who Make Their Livings Peddling Tales of Male Weakness.'"
Now, I'm no feminist, but this is ridiculous. If anyone had so thoroughly trashed Catharine MacKinnon, the legal expert who pioneered the legal claim for sexual harassment as a form of sex discrimination, the girlish squeal of protest would still be heard. Who's asleep at the wheel, ladies? Or does this not count as "abuse" because Coulter is a soulless agent of the vast right-wing conspiracy?
And speaking of soulless, our very own WAGS department has once again thrown academic excellence to the four winds, replacing it with soft and easy "learning." I know, I know-don't pick on the WAGS department, it's just too easy. But their course on "Women's Activism" (or Indoctrination 11) is begging for me to smack it around. Among the topics to be "explored" are: "struggles to redefine women's rights as human rights, women's activism in religious nationalism, the international gay-lesbian movement, welfare rights activism, responses to state regulation, and campaigns around domestic violence." What about the fight against abortion on demand, a movement spearheaded by women? Could they make this course any less appealing to people who don't already agree, making it one big pat on the back for the professors?
Sigh, Amherst. Sigh.
A friend's father asked me over break if I was glad I'd come to Massachusetts. Surprisingly, I couldn't answer right away. I chose to come to Amherst to see how the other half lives, how things work north of the Mason-Dixon line. I'd only been this far north one time before, when I was 12. And, I have to say, despite the occasional surprise, it's just as bad as folks from my hometown always told me, if not a little bit worse. You really are a bunch of cold fish.
"That's what I like about drunkenness," a New Yorker mentioned one morning at breakfast, "I get to talk to people whom I would otherwise never speak to." Why is this normal? Why does being friendly require inebriation? Can't you all just get over yourselves and smile at people? The same friend recently observed, "I don't know what the deal is with [name withheld]. I mean, I know him, he knows me, we talked a lot freshman year. But now when we pass each other, he avoids eye contact." Unless your casual relationship has ended poorly (say, over a woman), then politeness dictates that you make eye contact and smile or give the male head nod.
And while we're on the subject of politeness, I was politely perusing the NOW website a few weeks ago, when I stumbled across this actual quote from Miss Rebecca Farmer, a self-proclaimed "post-Roe" baby (as opposed to a post-Roe aborted fetus, like so many of her peers): "I've never lived in a time when a woman's right to terminate her pregnancy has been illegal." Excuse me? When are rights ever legal or illegal? She's not done, however. "I think that anti-abortion thugs know that overturning Roe outright would result in huge social upheaval and rioting in the street ... Besides, one more Neanderthal thinker on the Supreme Court would carve it in stone."
Rioting? Oh, no, but we might miss Dawson's Creek! What Farmer fails to do, in all of this name calling, is mention any real reason that Roe vs. Wade should not be overturned, other than the fact that Supreme Court justices are idiots (even though they're the ones who gave her the "right" in the first place).
"We're not going to stop having sex. And we won't let anyone take away our right to abortion and birth control. Step aside, old guys in power. If not, look forward to us booting you out of office." Way to stick it to the man! Well, I'm not going to stop pointing out the complete fluffiness of your self-righteous drivel. And I won't let anyone take away my right to own and carry a gun. Fair enough? Should we perhaps delve into the merits of the arguments before holding our "rights" to our chest and screaming, "Mine mine mine mine!"? Perhaps.
"As post-Roe kids"-(she again forgets the kids who didn't get a chance to be kids, tsk, tsk)-"we have our activist foremothers to thank for paving the path toward reproductive freedom." Maybe no one told her that NARAL was founded by men. And that what they're really fighting for is not reproductive freedom, but reproductive convenience.
Twenty to one says I get a letter next week that says something along the lines of "Stop being a mean bitch."