A few days ago, a prospective student toured the campus and declared it beautiful. The student remarked that the only thing that detracted from its beauty was the construction and wanted to know why it was necessary. We often walk about our campus and marvel at the abundance of caution tape, construction men and scaffolding, but why exactly is it all there? And more importantly, what is this "master plan" to which they keep referring? While we may not fully grasp the master plan itself, after some consideration I came up with multiple benefits from the construction which I would like to share.

For instance, one new addition to the campus is the crews of workmen. In them, the College is actually providing its students with an essential technological feature: a free and reliable wake-up service. While most hotels offer a wake-up call service, I contend that Amherst's method is far superior. A telephone only rings a few times, and it may not be loud enough to wake up a hungover Amherst student. But the constant hammering and buzzing of construction at 7:30 every morning ensures that students have plenty of time to prepare for even the earliest classes at 8:30.

Besides saving us money on alarm clocks, you'll find that the ongoing construction can also be useful during a long lecture by a boring professor. An Amherst student who is on the verge of sleep during class will be promptly awakened by the construction. This saves the student from embarrassment in front of his fellow classmates, as well as sparing the student from the wrath of his professor. Conversely, if you find your professor has a monotone or annoying voice, simply exploit the noise of campus renovations to drown it out.

The yellow caution tape that is used to mark the areas under construction also serves a variety of purposes. First, the tape can prove a fundamental math theorem-the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Thus, if an Amherst student obeys the tape and walks around it, he will discover that it takes longer to go from Valentine to Appleton than if he/she ducks under the tape. Second, the tape can serve as a weight loss device. The extra distance that the student has to travel from one location to another ensures that freshmen do not put on that dreaded freshman 15. And finally, I think we have all realized the amusement that the tape can bring to drunken students on a slow Tuesday night.

Plus, if you're into daredevil sports and are looking to test your bravery, the construction on the Keefe Campus Center can serve as a public test of bravery to impress that girl you've been eyeing. By walking under the entrance, embrace new adventures by surviving the potential threat of a collapsing roof or of construction workers dropping a tool.

And finally, I think campus renovations have made Amherst an even closer-knit community. Case in point: the sophomores living in modular dorms (affectionately called mod pods by some) are so desperate to get away that they have reached out to the other classes to spend time in any other location.

So the next time that you feel the urge to complain about the noise or the unsightly view of the half-demolished buildings, just remember all the wonderful services that construction provides. After all, without the cost incurred by the master plan, just think of where your tuition money could be going. Those thousands of dollars might actually go to improving-gasp-your educational experience. Perhaps we could even leverage enough funds to keep our professors from leaving for Ivy League schools.