There's no doubt that the California recall election will go down in history as one of the most interesting political dramas of the decade. For those of you who haven't been following the issue, a strange quirk in California's election law allows Californians to vote out a poorly performing governor and vote in a replacement-all in the same election. What is even stranger, however, is the almost complete lack of any high-profile politicians running in this recall election. This is California, people, not some minor-league state like Massachusetts! The only legitimate politician running is current Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamante, an apparent major stooge of the current governor. The rest of the candidates are an array of semi-celebrities (Gary Coleman), purveyors of porn ("Hustler" founder Larry Flynt and star of "Thumpin Melons" Mary Carey), shameless self-promoters (Arianna Huffington) and a former baseball commissioner (Peter Ueberroth).

And, of course, how could I forget Arnold Schwarzenegger (somehow, his name is in spell-check in Microsoft Word), the most important and notorious candidate of them all? Arnold, born in 1947 in Thal, Austria, is perhaps the ultimate rags-to-riches story. From poor farmboy to champion bodybuilder to Mr. Universe, and finally, to the star of movies like "Junior" (in which he becomes the first man to bear children) and "Kindergarten Cop," Arnold is living proof of the many opportunities in the U.S. Unlike most politicians, however, his past has not been covered up and purged of questionable conduct.

Arnold's past, in recent weeks, has come back to haunt him. In a 1977 interview in Oui, an adult magazine, he freely admitted to smoking pot, participating in orgies and even joining in an act that sounded suspiciously like a "gang bang." In the same week, it was rumored that, in the past, he had made a racist comment to a friend about South Africa. These events, though they have not significantly harmed his position in the polls as of late, threaten to hurt Arnold's support with the religious right, women's groups and minority groups.

However, I think these recent attacks on Arnold are both unfair and almost irrelevant to the issue of the recall election. Arnold, being a former bodybuilder and action-film actor, has not had the kind of "handling" that career politicians enjoy. Certainly, there were several serious allegations made against current President Bush during his presidential run, including accusations of financial impropriety, theft and heavy drug use. However, little to no evidence remains of these activities, either because the accusations are simply untrue or because the evidence of the activities has been covered up. Furthermore, Arnold, both because of his humble origins and his position in society, has lived his life in the spotlight much more than almost any politician. Finally, his lifestyle in the 1970s as a bodybuilder bears little resemblance to his current life as a husband, father and aspiring governor.

Given all these reasons, along with the complete lack of any interesting "legitimate" candidates, Arnold is the obvious choice to replace Gray "I'm a crook" Davis. Amherst students from California, I call on you to vote for "Conan the Republican" and provide the rest of us with some entertainment.