Certainly, many students were raised by parents who either discouraged sexual activity or neglected to administer the trademark "birds-and-bees" sex talk. Other students, including myself, were unfortunate enough to attend public school in a state that prohibited contraceptive education, opting for abstinence-only training in its place. In that context, discussing sex seemed vulgar and inappropriate in the classroom. After all, I wasn't going to engage in sex until I was married according to my high school, and even then, only to make babies. What, then, was the purpose of discussion?
College was a bit of a shock. Condoms in the bathrooms, vibrators in the Student Health Educators (SHE) skit during orientation, coupons for emergency contraception in The Daily Jolt book … It was an endless assault of SEX, never before witnessed except on late-night Cinemax when my parents were late coming home and the babysitter fell asleep on the couch. I saw the same anxious reaction in other students in my squad and around the table at the SHE's skit. We laughed nervously at the performers stretching condoms over bananas, looking around to make sure everyone else was laughing, too.
Even in class, sex, whether in a poem or a movie, seems an inappropriate topic for discussion. I watched the David Lynch film "Mulholland Drive" last week for my sociology class, and while the two steamy scenes infused with lesbian eroticism were undoubtedly important in the film, conversation centered on them was stifled. Similarly, I recall the lack of discussion in my high school senior English class on John Donne's "The Flea," a seduction poem in which the speaker tries, with some faulty logic, to convince his lady to sleep with him. My English teacher didn't think the poem would elicit thoughtful responses from the students in my class, so she had us answer a handful of purely literary questions instead of writing the typical journal response.
Shying away from the topic, however, didn't make it easier for any of us to broach it. Sex wasn't up for discussion at my high school. At Amherst, however, I was told that "we like to talk everything to death," but I have yet to witness even the beginning on the discourse of sex.
Regardless of how much sex you've had, how many partners you've enjoyed, how many places on campus you've done it, there's always something more to learn or experience. People are as sexually unique as they are genetically distinctive; once you've seen one penis, you have not seen them all (ditto with the vagina). Furthermore, everyone has a different sexual personality-some respond vocally to stimulation, others prefer to stay quiet. Either way, the important thing is that you feel confident enough to direct sexual activity where you want it to go, and steer it away from where you'd rather it not. Communication, whether verbal or non-verbal, can't be overrated. It might be out of character for you to give your partner advice or direction while he or she is in the process of pleasing you, but it's worth the effort if your sexual experience improves. The language doesn't need to be stilted, either. I'm not suggesting that you tell your partner to "loosen up your facial muscles and alternate clockwise and counter-clockwise tongue movements while stimulating my clitoris," but a little physical direction and heightened response when something feels good might help your partner gauge your pleasure.
Sex talk can be embarrassing. It's personal, and sometimes language doesn't quite convey the intricacies of an orgasm. But you don't have to bare your soul to talk about sex. A more open, general discussion of sex on this campus might benefit us all; you might finally get answers to those burning questions, or you may figure out how to make a dental dam more appealing, thus making sex safer for you and your partner.
Let's bid farewell to the ongoing discourse on homework during shopping period, on the purported poor quality of food in Valentine, and let's finally usher in a much more enticing and valuable discourse on sex-a non-heterocentrist, respectful, informed discussion. Perhaps then we'll get a lot more out of Amherst College than just a degree.