Things are heating up again politically. The 2008 presidential elections, after all, are a mere year and two-thirds away. Some people may claim that it is obscene to cover this race when President Bush still has almost two years to improve on his already impressive record of ruining America. I, however, would like to submit that nobody asked those people. If I write a candidate profile a week, I will not have to think of an article topic for at least the rest of the year.
But the 2008 election is far too juicy for the semi-dry work of candidate summaries. To make things interesting, these summaries will by extremely subjective, as I will not even attempt to hide my opinions (usually negative) of the prospective presidential choices. Furthermore, my profiles will not be entirely factual. Like good political analysts, you readers will have to discern the truth from the various falsehoods. This, however, might pose certain problems for me, in the sense that much of what I write might be construed, technically, as libel. Therefore, in the interest of not getting sued, I intend to make my lies extremely obvious. For example, if I write something like "Senator John McCain has a reputation as a centrist maverick, despite the fact that his social and foreign policy views are quite conservative," I am probably telling the truth. If I am lying, is it likely to be a statement like, "Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) can deep-throat a giraffe." With that said, time to meet our first candidate:
Senator Sam Brownback (R-KS)
Senator Brownback is a darling of the religious conservatives. After the decisive defeat of fellow wing nut Rick Santorum (R-PA) in 2006, the Kansan replaced the Pennsylvania senator as the presidential aspirant most in tune with those Americans who believe that chastity belts, preferably with barbs, ought to be mandatory. Senator Brownback, though, ain't your daddy's evangelical. Apart from his antagonism to abortion, gay marriage, and all of those other curses that the devil-in the form of the Democratic Party-sent to earth to tempt Americans in preparation for the Rapture, Brownback holds quite progressive positions on issues ranging from global warming (it exists) to Darfur (it's bad).
Economic Issues
On economic issues, Senator Brownback leans far to the right. He champions a flat tax and a simplification of the IRS tax code, as well as the modernization (read: privatization) of Social Security. He often touts his support for energy independence, seeking to reduce oil consumption in the United States by 2.5 million barrels a day within 10 years. Finally, Brownback has proposed a New Homestead Act, which would encourage young Americans to work in rural areas. Evidently, he neglected the fact that President Lincoln's first Homestead Act worked because there was plenty of land that nobody owned (and by nobody, I mean Native Americans who had only lived there for thousands of years).
Foreign Affairs
On this range of topics, strangely enough, Brownback marches in step with some of the most strongly held views of the Left. Especially, he believes that the United States should make it policy to intervene in major humanitarian crises, like Darfur. Unlike the Left, though, he is deeply suspicious of the United Nations (he wants to cut U.S. funding for the organization's activities), and committed to the further prosecution of the Iraq War. Overall, Senator Brownback takes a moralistic approach to foreign policy that is less cynical than Bush's, but absolutely idealistic and starry-eyed. Our troops deserve better than a president who will send them to do good works in every hellhole in the Third World.
Social Issues
Where to begin? Essentially, Brownback's version of Hoover's tagline "A chicken in every pot" is "A secret government camera in every bedroom." And in every hospital, to ensure that no abortions-which Senator Brownback likens to murder-are carried out. Also, he might want to put a few in the schools, just to ensure that no godless liberal teachers are spouting tripe about them new-fangled un-Christian ideas about safe sex. And one or two in the courtrooms, to ensure that activist judges aren't preventing the radicals from writing theocracy into our Constitution. A Brownback Administration would be a wet dream for James Dobson and Jerry Fallwell.
Charisma/Intangibles
Senator Brownback speaks convincingly to his core constituency. He inveighs against gay marriage and is over-the-top religious. He spouts the obligatory lines about the evils of contemporary American society, but what is different about Brownback is he actually seems to believe them. He seems particularly concerned about pornography (on a completely unrelated matter, he has severe tendonitis in both wrists). Brownback is not known for his speaking abilities or his natural political acumen, and thus probably lacks the tools to spread his popularity beyond his far-right base.
The Verdict
Brownback is perhaps the favorite son of the religious right. He is one of them-an evangelical who wants to lead based strictly on moralist Christian values. As such, the only office that he should ever be permitted to seek is principal of his church's Sunday School. The only possible result of his campaign for the presidency might be that his constituents in Kansas would realize what an embarrassment Brownback is and follow Pennsylvania's lead in removing the American Taliban from elective office. Only by a bizarre fluke could he ever win the nomination, and he would be trounced by whomever the Democrats nominated.