Take comfort, we say, in the knowledge that upperclassmen, faculty, College staff and squirrels will be laboring to befriend all 5984 of you. The problem with the Class of 2011 is not as much its unprecedented size, but its unprecedented diversity. This rampant and unfathomable heterogeneity means we (that's us without ID cards swinging stupidly from our necks) will struggle like never before to understand why it is, exactly, that you (that's you with da popped collar) are worth getting to know.
Thus to help mold the Class of 2011 into a somewhat more palatable proposition (for us), we urge you first-years to read the sage advisory words that follow now. It will save you from continually making fools of yourselves later.
Valentine will not open beyond 7.30 p.m. Get used to it. In other words, we hope to see zero Senate campaigns leveraging on that single complaint. We recommend, as unshakable munchie solutions: a late-night trek to Antonio's; Wings; D.P. Dough 'zones; Sugar Jones for a bit of sweet loving; or, if it's after 2 a.m., good ol' Domino's.
Yes, we all know what you did last night. The grapevine at an awfully small school is, predictably, awfully short and juicy. Anonymity at Amherst represents a rare, and not entirely normal, condition.
Make more extensive use of the academic guidance facilities. The Writing and Quantitative Centers provide founts of support and advice to those looking for it. Putting your hastily written papers through one more edit can only help.
We know you're going to whine about how long, cold and dreary winter is, so just appreciate fall now. Past research has also shown that surviving four such winters is not only perfectly possible, but also eminently healthy. Right now, check out the woods and bike trails, do a leaf-pile dive, stroll around Northampton and, well, just take in fall's colors.
Apply to as many campus jobs as quickly as you physically can. Good ones fill up in a breathtakingly quick fashion. Some sweet gigs include: IT staff (no experience required!), gym attendant and library aid.
Go to events. You'll find, as your responsibilities begin to accumulate, that there'll always be other things claiming your time and energy. So make it a point to go to Mr Gad's, concerts, lectures, FLICS movie nights and stage performances. If nothing else, go for the food. It is also useful to remember that Social Council events equal free stuff.
Finally, take chances with classes, with clubs and with making friends. The one thing most seniors wish they had done was to have been able to take more classes. Similarly, there exists an astounding array of activities here in the Valley, most of which are worth at least a try. Be more creative with your choices at the College; we would if we were first-years all over again.