Last week an article appeared in the pages of Parade magazine, listing 10 of the world’s “worst” dictators. On the list were Hu Jintao of China, Pervez Musharraf of Pakistan and Islom Karimov of Uzbekistan. As an American patriot, I found the list took a remarkably offensive view of democracy abroad. Namely, it implied that democracy and American interests don’t dovetail perfectly. Outrageous!

Firstly, the article does not address the lesser-known countries that are damaging our power abroad or, rather, the power of democracy itself. The island of Tuvalu, for example, recently sued the U.S. for not ratifying the Kyoto Protocol. This island-state clearly has priorities other than democracy, as they are more concerned with the environment than they are with wiping out fanaticism, nuclear arms proliferation and other threats. Worse, Tuvalu is not even a republic, but a monarchy! Clearly, this tree-hugging hereditary government hates America and democracy, and should make the list.

Additionally, the article presumed that some of the dictators we support are awful. Any mildly adept reader will pick up on how the U.S. government deals with these regimes—we trade with China, use Uzbekistan as a military base despite the country’s reputation for routinely torturing citizens and reinforce Musharraf’s regime in Pakistan with foreign aid. Clearly, as America and democracy are synonymous, if our government is supporting these regimes, they do not belong on a list of the world’s worst dictators.

Instead of bashing the friends of this great country, the article should compose a list of model dictators who provide a shining example to all who strive for effective, American-approved states. For instance, we spend over $30 billion on the oil trade with Saudi Arabia each year and thereby help underwrite its rigorous Islamic Shari’a law. As citizens, we should realize that our government ought to be defending everyone’s rights, not just our own. By allying ourselves with that oil-rich country, we protect the Saudis’ right to live in a repressive, un-democratic monarchy.

Self-determination is one of the greatest blessings our democracy has given to the world, and should remain prominent in our rhetorical arsenal. Our leaders know this and thus support a people’s right to choose a regime that will brutalize and oppress them. If we give these rulers America’s democratic stamp of approval, they can’t possibly be bad. That proved, how can Parade claim that these dictators are the worst?