In our society, media outlets are often the all-important arbiters and molders of public opinion. This year, we at The Student have certainly tried to fulfill that role at The Fairest College. We’ve attempted to brainwash you, to shape your tender little views to closely approximate our own bleeding-heart, military-hating, unrealistically idealistic liberalism. We’ve also attacked the AAS. A lot. But that’s just because we wait until 2 a.m. on production night and can’t think of anything else to write. However, we recognize that some of you may not have been following our scintillating editorials with bated breath, probably because, like us, the only part of the paper you actually read is the crime log. In the interests of public service, then, we are going to attempt to distill the key issues of the year into a few blatantly simplistic categories. Without further ado, for the 2007-08 school year, here’s the good, the bad and the ugly.

The Good

The Multicultural Center: OK, so we’re just raising expectations for the place so we can bash it mercilessly next year.

Charles Pratt opens: Know what adds insult to injury? You can view it from the trailers.

Giants stun Pats in Super Bowl: Divine intervention? Nope, just Belichick’s Wesleyan pedigree coming out.

4/14/2008, 9:45 a.m., Pratt Field: An officer responded to a report of a fox that appeared to be ill. The fox was referred to an alcohol education program.

ESPN College GameDay comes to Amherst-Williams: We made fun of Williams from 9 to noon, and then nothing happened afterwards. Do you hear us? Nothing!

The Amherst Pub: Finally, a place where everybody knows your name … wait, a blog? In that case, we’re transferring this to ...

The Bad

The Amherst Confessional: A forum for slander, cruel gossip and racism. And it’s going to cost us at least a full letter grade this semester. Seriously, it’s like crack.

The end of Mayo Ballroom: The good news? The Plimpton ballroom is nearly as nice. The bad? Plimpton is located in Vermont.

The Ugly

AAS elections: Guy who voted —The Student salutes you!

Muggle Qudditch: Amherst finds a sport at which it can beat Williams. Sadly, we still can’t beat Middlebury. Also, it’s not a sport.

Attack on Hampshire students at GAP: In solidarity, Amherst donates some real classes to Hampshire.

The Luau: The band may have sucked, but at least you won’t be able to look that girl in your philosophy class in the eye all semester.

Jeffs’ men’s basketball falls one short of repeat: If only Stephon Curry had done a little better on the Critical Reading section.

LipSync: For well reasoned, critical analysis of this year’s performances, please see the Confessional and the sidewalk outside Converse.