All this excitement almost made me forget about this seemingly annual game that the Patriots play in February, the Super Bowl. Is this really what the Super Bowl has become? The "big" game is only four days away and I don't even know who I'm watching with or where! One of my roommates is a big Eagles fan from Philly and another is a Giants fan who hates both teams, yet there hasn't been any trash-talking. I just feel no need. All I have to say to win any argument against a Patriots hater is "D-Y-N-A-S-T-Y."
This lack of trash-talking from me this year seems indicative of these Patriots-a team that goes about its business with one thing in mind: winning. If you've been watching ESPN every day since you were three years old like I have, you would have noticed this week that most of the media attention has been on the Eagles, whether it be T.O.'s will he/won't he play drama or the People's Champ, Freddie Mitchell, calling out Rodney Harrison outrageously. The stories about the Patriots center around Romeo Cronnel's head coaching job search, Troy Brown's transition from wide receiver to defensive back, and whether or not Tom Brady would be a Hall of Famer if he retired immediately after Sunday's game.
These Super Bowl stories made me think: What are some fictitious, potential problems and distractions that the Patriots could encounter this week?
1. Investigators find that boosters paid Tom Brady hundreds of thousands of dollars while he played at the University of Michigan. The U.S. District Attorney's office trumps up charges immediately, and Brady is forced to spend the weekend in jail. Backup quarterback Rohan Davey then announces he would rather play for new Dolphins head coach Nick Saban than Bill Belichick and refuses to play to avoid injury. Third stringer Jim Miller takes over as starting QB, but not before the Patriots hire private security to keep Miller on lockdown to avoid the use of any "dietary supplements."
2. Rodney Harrison is walking down the strip (if there is one) in Jacksonville and sees Freddie Mitchell across the street. Without thinking, he charges Mitchell at full speed, ready to attack. Unfortunately, Harrison is blindsided by a car driven by NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue, who immediately fines himself $100,000 for an illegal hit, and fines Harrison $500,000 on the way to the hospital with a concussion for a head-to-head hit.
3. Charlie Weis, after 37 consecutive sleepless nights and 12 trips back and forth to South Bend, Ind., finally dozes off on Saturday night. When his wife tries to wake him up on Sunday morning, she feels his heart beating, his lungs breathing and he's snoring. However, when she calls the doctors, they diagnose him to be in a "sleep coma"-and predict, based on his age, weight and sleep patterns of the past month, that he will wake up naturally in about three days. Any attempt to wake him up unnaturally could cause permanent damage. Weis misses the Super Bowl, misses two meetings with Notre Dame Athletic Director Kevin White, and is fired by ND without ever coaching a game. He then refuses to come back to the Patriots as defensive coordinator without a 500 percent pay increase.
4. At a pre-Super Bowl party, Corey Dillon bumps into old teammate Rudi Johnson, who reminds Dillon that he had more yards this year in his first as a starting running back for the Bengals than Dillon did in any of his years in Cincinatti. Dillon flips out, starts tossing tables over, and challenges Johnson to a fight. The two running backs head outside, fists clenched and start rumbling. Although Dillon comes out on top (with some help from his posse), he fractures two fingers on his right hand. He hides the injury from the coaching staff during the game (a la Ben Roethlisberger), and his two fumbles lead to two Eagle touchdowns. Final score: Eagles 21, Patriots 20.
If any of these things happen, the Patriots could be in some serious trouble. In fact, even if none of these things happen, the Patriots will still have themselves an old-fashioned, hard-fought football game on Sunday. The Eagles are hands-down the best football team in the NFC (which isn't saying too much) with or without T.O. With T.O. they have a much more balanced offense that can win through the air or on the ground. Their defense is first-rate, one of the best in the league, and very stingy. They have a great kicker, good special teams and their coaching staff is one of the best.
Under no circumstances do I see this Super Bowl being a huge blowout. Luckily, a close game is definitely an advantage for the defending champs. They are experienced when it comes to important, high-pressure games, and they know how to win. Philadelphia has lots of distractions, little experience and must be feeling the pressure of being heavy underdogs. Final score prediction: Patriots 27, Eagles 20.
Next week: Get ready for Babbling's second annual Super Bowl running diary. Last year I wrote about 2500 words and had to cut it in half. This year, with some experience under my belt, I think I'll be able to control my word count. And a new rule for this year's diary is that no quotes will be anonymous. People will have to own up to any sexist or embarrassing commentary. And don't worry, participants will not be made aware of this new rule in advance unless they read this week's column. If you're interested in making an appearance in the diary, feel free to do something ridiculous in my presence on Sunday. Enjoy the game!