I went in search of a reason why “starting quarterback” is as stable a position as “banking analyst,” and the findings are inconclusive. There is no general trend to explain the sudden flux of depth chart uncertainty. It’s madness, a perfect storm of QB confusion.
Quarterbacks of tomorrow are playing today, while some future stars are sitting in favor of heroes of the past. Rookie Matt Ryan beat out favorite Chris Redman for the position in Atlanta, has the forgettable Falcons at 6-4 and finds himself on an MVP short list. Fellow greenhorn Joe Flacco, fresh from the college football juggernaut that is Delaware, won a training camp quarterback battle and has led the Ravens to a 6-4 record. Meanwhile, the can’t-miss-kids Matt Leinart and Vince Young have plenty of time to reminisce about the 2006 Rose Bowl after graybeards Kurt Warner and Kerry Collins stole their jobs. Warner and Collins, who have both started in the Super Bowl, have revived their careers and are now leading division-winning clubs.
Some teams hoping to bench their leaders of tomorrow for wins today are benefiting, like Arizona, yet the Vikings made the same decision when they benched Tarvaris Jackson in favor of Gus Frerotte and, despite a stellar supporting cast, are middling. The Browns made the decision to bring along their second-year man Brady Quinn slowly, only to change their minds when incumbent Derek Anderson failed to prove last year’s Cinderella season wasn’t a fluke. The poor winless Lions tried to have it both ways, sitting 36-year-old Jon Kitna in favor of 24-year-old Dan Orlovsky, and then benching him and signing Daunte Culpepper, who was retired until two weeks ago. They have a legitimate shot at going 0-16, but they somehow manage to stay close in almost every game. See a trend yet? Me neither.
One young quarterback poised to start, the Jets’ Kellen Clemens, had to step aside for a legend and has plenty of time to practice Brett Favre shovel passes on the sideline. The veteran who was supposed to back him up, Chad Pennington, went to the Dolphins and is 6-4 as a starter. Now, a move from New York to Miami is about as old as the folks that continue the tradition, but Pennington added a new twist, actually reviving a seemingly dead career and boosting a 1-15 team into this year’s playoff picture. And this whole chain of events was made possible when the Packers opted for a youth movement of their own.
Confused yet? We haven’t even gotten to injuries. A boo-boo paved the way for Collins to prove his mettle and earn the job for the undefeated Titans. Brodie Croyle’s season-ending knee injury and Damon Huard’s battered arm opened the door for third-string second-year man Tyler Thigpen, whose six November touchdowns have earned him a likely spot in the Fantasy Football Hall of Fame.
The injury bug has bitten the top trio of quarterbacks — Tom Brady, Tony Romo and Peyton Manning. Off-season knee surgeries haven’t technically cost Manning any games, but anyone who watched the first half-dozen Colts games could tell you that Peyton was far from 100 percent. While Manning is finally back to form after his knee issues, his rival Brady is done for the year. On the bright side, Brady’s flimsy and infected knee has allowed Matt Cassell to start for the first time since high school. After a shaky first couple of starts, Cassell has the Pats a game out of the AFC East lead and became the first player in NFL history to pass for 400 yards and rush for over 60 yards in Thursday’s overtime heartbreaker against the Jets.
Romo started Sunday night after missing three games with a pinky injury. Romo’s return was great news for the struggling Cowboys but terrible news for me and my favorite celebrity couple nickname, Pinky and the Brain (because his pinky wasn’t working and Jessica Simpson’s brain…well, you get it).
Like the Cowboys, the Seahawks welcomed back leader Matt Hasselbeck. The struggling Seahawks should think about changing their name to the Seattle Murphys after just about everything that could go wrong has in Coach Holmgren’s final season. To paraphrase Justin Timberlake, they’re bringin’ Hassle back, but their other boys don’t know how to act.
Jeff Garcia came back from injury and successfully wrestled his job back from feisty old-timer Brian Griese to momentarily satisfy Coach Jon Gruden, who switches quarterbacks like they’re radio stations. Speaking of switcheroos, Rams ex-coach Scott Linehan replaced Marc Bulger with Trent Green at quarterback, only to get canned and have his successor Jim Haslett reinstate Bulger. Ugh.
After days in the lab and the most sophisticated of statistical analyses, I could only find one pattern, and with this pattern, the only advice I have for concerned quarterbacks is to get into commercials. The Manning brothers have accumulated more hours on television than Regis Philbin, and are also two of only ten QBs that began 2007 as their team’s starter and have yet to miss a game this season. They also happen to have won the past two Super Bowls. Donovan McNabb gets it — he’s one of those 10 lucky quarterbacks and also a pitchman for Campbell’s Chunky Soup. Brett Favre does ads for Wrangler and, while he has changed addresses, he hasn’t missed a start in 16 years.
It’s simple, really. Sign on for commercials, lots of commercials, and you’ll probably win the Super Bowl — or at least have some job security. Spend your time doing things like practicing or going to Mexico with your girlfriend and you run the risk of your team replacing you with a young or old quarterback and having your record subsequently rise, plummet or stay constant. Trust me, it’s science.